Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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