I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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