thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
