I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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