girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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