Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
zippers are such a cool invention
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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