i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
