Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
