i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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