Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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