My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
