Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize