True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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