We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
