good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
