i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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