I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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