Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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