So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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