I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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