I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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