Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hippo gnu deer
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
