Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
