that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
