did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
