Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
