4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my shit smells like andre
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
