Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
