Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize