So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
