I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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