There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
