I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
