still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
