i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
