Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize