oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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