insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
