meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
