I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
