the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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