she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
