I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
