I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
