i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
