No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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