We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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