Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
