break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
