Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
