Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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