Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
