his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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