He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
