you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
