I'm sorry my penis didn't work
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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