i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
