Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
