if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
