my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
