I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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