True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
