He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
