hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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