Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
