your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
