He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
