Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
