WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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