Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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