Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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