so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
