remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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