You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
