Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
